Dear Yahoo (A Dear John Letter...Bucky Style)

Dear Yahoo,

You will never know how much it pains me to write this letter. I am sitting here drowning my sorrows in a large bottle of Merlot with a bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs next to me. As soon as I finish this excruciating letter, I plan to indulge in a 12 hour marathon of Sex and the City reruns.

But I digress. By the time you get this letter, you will probably notice that I am gone. It pains me to say this after so many years together, but there unfortunately comes a time in every relationship when one must ask herself, "Am I in it for the love, or just because it's easier to stay?"

For many years, I would have said it was the love. I truly did love you for many years, and you will always hold a special place in my heart. While I cannot honestly say you were my first, (who can forget about Hotmail), I can say with the utmost confidence that you were my favorite. The day you introduced me to the unending pleasure of instant messaging, my world was never the same. Once I realized I could fashion an Avatar into my slightly skewed self image of who I would like to be, and change into cute little sexy outfits with different exotic backgrounds, I was completely and utterly hooked.

But over the past year or so, things have started to change. It pains me to tell you this, but your performance has been.....well.....a little lacking. While you used to be ready to perform within mere seconds, I now have to wait for what seems like an eternity for you to get locked and loaded. And I never really feel like it's just you and me anymore. Those pesky ads are always there, lurking in the background like some freaky voyeuristic pervert.

I will admit that things started changing between us once I met my good friend Facebook. But when will you realize you were my first true love? I didn't need you to put me in contact with all of my long lost high school friends and out of state relatives. I needed you to do the one thing you always did best......allow me to send and receive emails quickly and efficiently. I always used to be able to count on you to not bog things up with all that....baggage. But it turns out in your quest to become like everyone else, you have in turn, alienated me and our hot love affair is now lukewarm.

I so wish it hadn't come to this. I really tried to hold things together. Believe me, the last thing I wanted to have to do is alert all of my personal and business contacts of my new email address. But I cannot live a lie any longer.

I don't know where I will go from here. I have caught the eye of a handsome fellow named gmail. And while I don't know if there is a future there or not, I feel I owe it to myself to investigate these feelings and see where they take me.

If you could get rid of all the ads, and address your performance issues, then maybe.....just maybe, we could rekindle that old flame and discover why we fell in love in the first place. I don't know if that's possible now or not. All I can do is hope.

In the mean time, don't try to call me. I need some MySpace. I will be drinking with my Facebook friends and I probably won't be able to hear the phone ring.

With much love and regret,

Bucky